Secret lives of adulterous wives

That many women in longterm relationships are having extra-marital affairs is no longer news. News is how they are able to discreetly play the game and cover their tracks

In traditional African society, a wife who dared betray her husband would suffer dire consequences. In some regions, she would be stripped and frog marched round the village square, to serve as a lesson to other hopefuls. However, the modern day adulterous wife seem to take it all in stride. They start affairs and manage them through their marriage. First things first, why be involved with another man?

Why have an affair

“No doubt that a husband is your soul mate and pillar of your life. But if you’re a multifaceted person, you need several different colours on your field,” says Rose Mueni.

“As long as you play your cards right, a little affair can spice up your marriage,” says Grace Maina.

Another, Sharon Pendo, who has a prominent politician boyfriend, says her husband is only capable of doing so much, but it’s not enough. She has since been involved in this affair for three years. Her ‘side wheel’ funds her financial needs most of which the husband is incapable. “I still love and respect my husband,” She quickly assures. “But thanks to my boyfriend, we don’t have to argue over tiny financial issues,” she adds.

Covering tracks

Asked how she manages the affair, Sharon has this to say.  “Well, he’s free most of the time, so we meet up for lunch almost daily. Since his job entails going out on official trips, I join him in the name of work trips or chama trips,” she says. Also, she never forgets to delete any message she sends or receives, that may make her husband suspicious. When she goes home, she’s able to switch and focus all her attention to her husband.

She is of the opinion that  those who expect one person- man or woman to satisfy and make them happy for the rest of their life have a direct ticket to divorce. “The happiest women I know have a sense of purpose and passion outside of marriage,” she argues.

Another Lucy, a 38-year-old cabin crew and mother, says the secret is not giving your husband reason to suspect you. Pamper him, respect him, adore him and love him. “You know men are like children. So, they want to be pampered. Give him that and he’ll never suspect anything,” she says, adding, “At home, I’m submissive. My marriage is more fulfilled, the closer I get to my boyfriend, the more I want that person in my husband, and this keeps me going,” she says.

Expert take

One of the reasons it’s difficult to catch a cheating woman, according to  sociologist  Jackline Wamunyu is because men are more trusting than women. “One patient once told me, it just doesn’t occur to men that women  are cheating. It’s the last thing they want to comprehend. She was out with the girls and thats it, Wamunyu notes.

Then again, women are smart. They plan ahead. Unlike a man who will call his boys and ask them to cover up for him, a woman will have planned everything days ahead. She will think through the whole issue and start evaluating what will and won’t work. “She won’t call to say ‘If my husband asks where I was last night, tell him we were together.’ Instead, she’ll make sure he knows she was with Kelly and even update him on ‘their’ every move,” she adds.

Also, if the wife is being bankrolled by her Mpango wa Kando, she will always find means of convincing her husband of where she gets her money. It’s either she got it from a chama, a business deal or got a loan, among other excuses. No wonder, some husbands have been partakers unknowingly.

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