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Signs you’re in love with being single

Alternative boyfriend uses: Jar opener, comfy clothing supplier, high place reacher, bug killer and body heat provider. Irreplaceable? Black & Decker, Cashmere, step stools, Mortein Doom and hot water bottles – just sayin’! What’s so bad about being alone? A few dating sites and several bad dates make you appreciate what the single life has to offer, writes
Cheptoek Boyo

1 Netflix without the chill You’d better not think about interrupting my four-hour documentary on cheesemaking just to get a little action.

2 Treading the dating muck You forgot how it is to be dating or to be in a relationship. How many times do you need to send them messages? Which decisions do you need to consult with them? Do they need to know where you’re going for lunch and what you’re having?

3 Ordering dinner for two. So many restaurants have meal deals for two. But when you’re single, who’s going to eat the other entrée? You. That’s right. You. It’s quite economical actually – leaving some leftovers for the next day rather than having to cook.

4 Checking your clothing before you go out. As soon as I walk through my door, off come the shoes. As I walk into the bathroom, I take off the jewellery, pants and bra. There’s a trail of clothing and accessories around my house. I’m like a snake shedding its skin. I have so much freedom.

5 Dating as a game. Since I really can’t take the dating app thing seriously, I’ve made it into a fun drinking game. It’s a relatively simple and easy way to get intoxicated. Picture with a dead animal? Drink. Mirror selfie? Drink.

6 No tick tock for you. You are sincerely happy for your friends’ milestones; engagements, weddings and new babies.

7 Not paying attention to grooming. Oh, has it been two weeks since I shaved? Again? Oops. I’m probably saving a tonne of time and money.

8 Third wheel, heck, I’ll be fourth wheel. When people think something’s wrong with you because you’re still single, you conclude that there’s something wrong with them.

9 Glass half-empty? Not in my vocabulary. You’re not bitter about your failed relationships anymore. You are actually grateful that it ended. If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be this happy right now.

10 Starfish-style sleeping. I have a queen-size bed, and I’m considering getting a king. I sleep diagonally, starfish-style across the bed. I mean, if I even had a partner, where would he go? Would we have to get two beds? I’m not giving up my sleeping style.

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