I’m in my early forties and really want to settle down. My problem is that I can’t seem to find the right kind of woman to settle down with.
I have been in five relationships in the past and all of them ended because I felt the ladies were not right for me. My friends say that I’m too choosy, but I just can’t find the perfect match. Is there something wrong with me? Please help!
We are glad that you are at least thinking of settling down. It’s never too late. Having been in five relationships that didn’t go well is something to ponder.
Your friends say you are choosy, is there a kind of lady you are looking for but can’t find? Finding the right person is a good thing, but from your question it seems you are looking for the perfect person and that, to be honest, is an impossible mission.
We all look for certain qualities in the person we want to marry. Physically, we look at things such as height, skin colour, body size; hips and bust size in a lady and so on.
Different people like different things and that is why they say beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. But there are also certain inward qualities that one should look for such as the person’s character, values, interests and so on.
Normally, it is easy to see the outer physical quality one is looking for but it takes time to see personality and that is why we spend time dating. This is the time to scrutinise these inner qualities.
If the physical appearance is okay but the character doesn’t impress you, then you reject the person as that is more important and permanent than outer beauty.
As we said earlier, no one is perfect, inot even yourself. As you look for the ideal lady, are you the ideal man? We must learn to be selfless, to accommodate each other. The fact that you are choosy could be a problem with you and not necessarily the ladies.
Maybe it’s time for you to change by being more accommodating and lowering your standards. Every lady is unique and you must be careful that you are not looking for Miss Perfect but for that uniqueness.
You will never get everything in one person, for every 10 positives there may be another 10 negatives. So ask yourself; are those 10 positives what you want and can you live with the 10 negatives?
If you can’t stand their negatives, then don’t even go there. When I (Barnie) was looking for a lady, I was searching for a good committed Christian lady who loved God and was short and brown. Well I did get one who loved God and was brown, but was not short.
You must realise that love is more than a feeling; it is a decision. Many men like you suffer due to indecisiveness, but as someone once said; it is better to make the wrong decision than not to make any decision at all. Before you jump on to the next girl that comes along, we are not saying that you take just anyone.
What we are saying is that once you determine the positive things you want in a wife and that really matter to you, and the negative things that you can live with then you can go about making an informed choice.