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‘Yes I do’, (in the hostel)

When peeps joined campus, most parents hoped that the goal would be, “study, graduate, get a job, date, marry, have babies,” in that order. Some said it loud, while others went on their knees uttering every single ethereal word in their vocabulary bank as they prayed that their sons and daughters don’t deviate from the right track.

While there is a chosen few that stick to the said path, many are lost. In campo, it’s no longer “study, graduate, get a job, date, marry”. Confusion ranges from “report, date, break-up, date, break-up, date, study at fourth year, fail, not graduate,” to the worst template of “drink, party, marry (in hostels), get pregnant, abort, get sponsored, drop out.”

Things are no longer as smooth as they seemed when the entire village converged for farewell prayers when the student wanted to enrol in campus. The village might be singing songs of praise for a hero they believe is buried deep in books in campus, while the ninja is busy missing classes because he has to fulfil marital duties with a naive second year who moved in to his hostel room.

It is expected that parents are aware that their kids are not entirely epitomes of purity. Perhaps, they suspect the kids get into some mischief while in campus. However, what they don’t know, is that it could be beyond that. Universities have now become a hub for come-we-stay marriages in the dingy hostels.

Kids supposed to be focussing on their studies have decided to fast forward normalcy and are now undertaking marriage obligations. Don’t be mistaken to think that the two love birds have secluded themselves so as to bask in marital bliss. They people live in crowded hostels but the numbers don’t deter them from undertaking marital roles.

A hostel housing four men in two double deckers could have the two dudes, on lower beds, married. They then use bed sheets and bed covers to veil their neighbours from peeping as the former enjoy the forbidden fruit. The fact that it’s a metallic bed with a razor blade mattress seems not to matter.

As long as there are bed sheet curtains, the double deckers change into a matrimonial bed. The phenomenon is so prevalent that bumping into men showering in the ladies hostels and vice versa is a norm. Universities are no longer places for academic excellence.

The tales of ‘hoe-stels’ have converted it into a holding facility for the illegally married. Some of y’all living with somebody’s daughter and haven’t paid dowry have no difference with Boko Haram. Take that girl back to her room!

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